Humour in Uniform

This post actually draws it’s title from a popular section of the Reader’s Digest  magazine. I grew up reading this magazine and loved all sections of it. After a while, when Indian edition started to roll out, I just somehow felt that the quality of articles declined. They stopped the ‘Book Section’ for one, the awesome quote page was reduced to a mere collection of celebrity one-liners and then of course, there was too much advertising. Anyway, point is they had this section called “Humour in Uniform” that used to cover these little anecdotes from defence services across the world. I loved reading it for very obvious reasons. <stating the obvious : my father is an officer in the Indian army.>

So anyway, why I thought of this here? That’s because every day I’m at the receiving end of a pleasant dose of comedy from some little people in uniform. So I thought we should launch our own section and make additions as they occur. I just thought it might be something nice to come back to a few years down the line.

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Satu : Didi, main na bahut bade logon ko jaanta hoon.

<He was referring to the teenage boys in his community.>

Me : Really Satu? Aapko kaise pata chalta hai ke bade log kaun hai?

Satu : Bade log pant neeche pehete hai and baal upar spike karte hain !

Simple definitions, uncomplicated opinions and unadulterated joy. It made me wonder how much fun it would be to redefine some of the bade log I’ve had the <dis>pleasure of knowing.

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After many a failed attempts to follow-up the pending homework assignments from Tushar, I finally sat down with him wondering if everything was all right at home. I decided to hear his story out and lead him into a simple line of questioning which will prove to him that he does have the time in his daily routine to do his homework that he isn’t utilizing well enough. Patting myself on the back for the refined approach, we started;

Me : So Tushar, what do you do after going home?

Tushar : Khata <I eat>

Me : Okay…..what do you do after that?

Tushar : Sota. <I sleep>

Me <deep sigh> : Okaaay, what after that?

Tushar : Tution ko jata. <I go for tuitions.>

Me <growing impatient> Ok Tushar, what do you after coming back from tuitions?

Tushar : Khata. <I eat>

Me : Ok and then……..??? <I kinda realized where this was headed….>

 Tushar : Sota. <I sleep>

<And well, he did have a point. He does have quite a busy schedule, after all who am I to come in the way of eating and sleeping :P. There was no recovery. I had no point to make.>

Tushar had this totally confused look on his face, and he was blinking rapidly. He must be thinking, what the hell is she trying to do. I’d rather have got whacked for not doing the homework, at least that way I would’ve been back at my bench by now and doing something constructive. <read pulling a girl’s pigtails or smacking the guy sitting in front with my pencil box.>

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Somewhere in December, Salman gives me a note, it says;

“Happy CRIMES Didi!……..

Enjoy all CRIMES you do!”

And I looked up totally astounded, thankfully he decides to verbalize what he thinks he’s written!

He says : Happy Christmas Didi !  You do enjoy Christmas with all! :)

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Another instance that proves that sarcasm is not the way to go with kids.

It was nearly end of the day at school. The kids were extremely restless and I was trying my best to explain the concept of ascending/descending numbers. Finally I put down a couple of sums on the board for them to practice independently. After 15 mins of having put the problems up, Somanth comes to me.

Somnath : Didi, do we have to write this in the notebook?

Me <with a smile>  : No Somnath, just keep looking at the board. The problems will get copied by themselves.

Somnath goes back to his seat. After about 10 mins I look at him and find him doing exactly what he’s been instructed to do. He sat there, staring at the board. I look up and make a desperate SOS call for some patience!

Me <as gently as possible> : Somanth, forget what I asked you to do. Please copy down the sums and start solving.

Well, someone had to alter their ways…….

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Suddenly…I can’t think of anymore…. They’ll come…Maybe it’s time to get some sleep now.

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5 thoughts on “Humour in Uniform

  1. hehhehe….i am so much in love with this somnath student of yours ..actually his innocence (Ok,that was not only an innocence response to your instruction on his part, but also a dumb act which is very much expected out of kid of that age group. Infact , he reminded me of my school days and about the fact that how sincere and dedicated i was in obeying my teacher’s instruction. (To put it in a confessional sense, I was a dumb, not smart kid through out my primary school days.)
    So please be patient and considerate towards somnath, otherwise, i will disclose all your secrets to kids of your class.. Ok ?

    As far as santa banta jokes are concerened, Jab tak suraj chand rahega, santa banta ke jokes ka craze rahega (couldn’ find a rhyming word to suraj chand phrase ) :)

    Keep up the good work up , chaitra..

    Miss you.

    Take care.

    • Hmmm……now that you have picked your favourite, I do sense a distinct sense of similarity between you and somnath…… He’s so lost in his class……just like u used to be Little Miss Muffet…. :)

      There was this one time I was teaching, and I heard this sound….”ZzzzzzzzZZZZZ”

      I turned back to see him driving an “imaginary CAR” totally oblivious to the presence of others. :)

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