Diwali  is celebrated across India with a lot of  joy, grandeur and extravaganza.  Historically, Diwali is celebrated for a lot of reasons, the most prominent or rather popular (prominence varies across every Indian state) being to mark the return of Shree Ram after 14 years of banishment from his own kingdom of Ayodhaya. All this stands very beautifully captured in the mythological epic : Ramayana. Here’s a brief summary of the Ramayana that will put rest of this post in perspective.

Ram is the main protagonist of Ramayana. He is the eldest and  most loved son of  King Dashrath of Ayodhya and his wife Kausalya.  King Dasharath is forced by Kaikeyi, one of his queens, to command Ram to relinquish his right to the throne for fourteen years and go into exile. Sita follows her husband Ram into exile and somewhere while living in the woods, she is abducted by Ravana, the king of Lanka. She is imprisoned on the island of Lanka (Modern day Srilanka) until Rama rescues her by defeating the Ravana.

Ram reaches Lanka, slays Ravan and frees Sita. But even as Sita comes before him in great excitement and happiness, Rama does not look at her, staring fixedly at the ground. He tells her that he had fought the war only to avenge the dishonour that Ravana had inflicted on Raghuvamsa and Sita.

Sita begs Lakshman (Ram’s brother) to build her a pyre upon which she could end her life, as she could not live without Rama. At the great shock and sorrow of the onlookers, Sita walks into the flames. But to their greater shock and wonder, she is completely unharmed. Instead, she glows radiantly from the centre of the pyre. This incident has gone down in mythology and Sita’s Agnipareksha. Simply translated, it was a test Sita had to take to prove her purity and love to her husband Ram.

Agnipariksha

The point of recapturing this ancient epic here? No point really other than the fact that nothing much has changed, barring the time frame of course.  Man-Woman dynamics are even today plagued by the same insecurities and complexities. My maid, for example, has been with me for over two years now. Every few months she gets beaten up by her husband. The reason almost never changes. Every time he sees her talking to any man, be it the tuition teacher, grocery guy or her brother-in-law, he is convinced that she is cheating on him. No questions are asked and no are justifications sought. The poor little scared children are witnesses to all this animal violence. Tears are shed and abuses are endlessly hurled. The next morning this battered but brave woman reaches the first house and starts working. Her work ends 6 houses and 5 hours later. She can’t even consider the luxury of sitting at home for a day and brooding. She has children to feed and bills to pay.

The last time this happened, the situation got so bad that she had to involve the cops and lodge a complaint against him. He tried to kill her with a knife. For the first time, she actually walked out of the house with the kids. And I applauded that move. I assured that I’ll have all the three of her kids put into nearby school where TFI fellows are teaching. She was worried about moving to another area altogether so we were working out her finances and I told her that I would be more than happy to provide her with as much monetary help as possible from my end. But even in that beaten up state, she kept saying that she will eventually have go back to him as she has to survive in the society. She feels that a woman abandoned by her husband is looked down upon and ostracized by the community. In fact, I even went on tried some art therapy with her to ward of her biases. I played one of my all time favorite songs;

It has many beautiful lines, but I played it for these lines specifically;

Tu kaun hai, tera naam hai kya

Sita bhi yahan badnaam hui

Phir kyun sansaar ki baton se

Bheeg gaye tere naina…

Maybe it was too much to expect her extract meaning from lyrics, given the state she was in. Plus not everybody finds answers in words, quotes and lyrics.  Anyway, after about ten days she did go back to him. Definitely it wasn’t for love. It was a compromise struck with self in order to meet the obligations of the society. She is uneducated, works as a maid and has severe financial limitations, but there are so many educated and financially independent women live their lives to meet the same goal as her, however unhappy it makes them.  That ‘TESTED OK’ seal that we see on most consumer goods, I guess that what this marriage means to her.

It makes me wonder – What thoughts must have crossed Ram’s mind as Sita took the Agnepareeksha? Did Sita ever consider the possibility of refusing to undergo this humiliating process? If Shree Ram was the epitome of truth, greatness and virtue, why did he succumb to the insecurities of ordinary men? Didn’t he even place an iota of trust in the woman who accepted his banishment as her own, gave up all luxuries of a royal life, quietly following him into exile for fourteen years?  She was abducted; it wasn’t like she went with Ravana by choice.

Was this Agneepareeksha for his own satisfaction or to prove a point to the world?

If it was for him, then well…we at least have one thing clarified. He was no God. He was just an ordinary mortal like us.

And if he did this seeking validation for Sita’s purity from the world, then well….. I guess, he was a lesser mortal.

In our country, Religion is seen as black and white. There is no room for interpretation, exploration or seeking perspectives. This is not true for everyone but yes, few religious topics are generally off -limits for debate and discussion. A recent example of this was celebrated artist MF Hussain’s exit from India. A series of cases were brought against Husain and a court case related to the alleged obscene depiction of Hindu goddesses in his paintings resulted in issuing a non-bailable warrant against him after he failed to respond to summons.

I am not siding with late Mr Hussain. But my point is, we call “Freedom of speech and expression” one of our fundamental rights as laid down by the constitution, then as a nation we need to be more tolerant to opinions. Bigotry and all religious intolerance has only caused us harm. There are grey sides to everything, even Gods and religion.  Ram’s character clearly had those shades.  (Yes, Grey is my new found obsession :))

I guess, this quote fits well as an end of this post;

“Half the world laughs at the other half, though all are fools. Either everything is good or everything is bad, depending on the vote. What one sues, another pursues. An insufferable fool, he who wishes the universe regulated according to his plans. Bliss does not derive from the pleasure of any one person. There are as many minds as there are heads, and as different. There is no weakness without its admirer. Don’t worry that your ways displease some, because, without fail, they will please others. And don’t let their approval of them go to your head, because still others will condemn them. Proper satisfaction may be taken only in the approval of persons of authority and those who have standing in their fields. Do not live by the sanction of any one voice, or of any one custom, or of any single period.” — Baltasar Gracian

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