Happy Ugadi!

happy ugadi

My first memory of Ugaadi (pronounced as Ooh-gaa-dee), the Kannada new year dates back to 1992. I was in first grade. My mum and I were living with my maternal grandparents in Bangalore from 1992-94, when my father was posted to Siachen Glacier (Siachen is located in the eastern Karakoram range in the Himalaya, just north-east of the point where the Line of Control between India and Pakistan ends). It was difficult station for families to stay because of rough weather and of course uncertain living conditions. So my parents thought it would be best if I continued the early years of my education undisturbed here in Bangalore. So anyway, Ugaadi was here and the house was bustling with activity. It used to be a full house back then, my maternal uncles, aunties, cousins and grandparents. I loved being in that house, with so many people around, there was no chance for a  dull moment ever.  As I woke up on that school holiday, I knew my grandmother would be cooking up a feast. But that was not the only thing I super excited about. I had been informed by my grandfather, that on Ugaadi, it is customary for everyone to buy a pair of new clothes. Now ever since my grandfather had given me this important piece of information, I had taken it upon myself to coordinate the logistical details of the affair i.e. bug my mom until whatever it takes for her to tell me when we can make a visit to the “the place”. It’s funny because I wasn’t even that into clothes as a child, but probably because it was my first Ugaadi celebration at Bangalore, I was excited about the traditions that came along. Coming back to “the place”, this is where I bought almost all my clothes in the two year stay at Bangalore – Bharath Garments on Chord Road. Anyway, the time came and we made the much anticipated visit to this little shop on WCR. My parents have, for as long as I can remember, encouraged me to make my decisions. So even in Bharath Garments, my mom asked me to pick whatever I thought was appropriate and I did pick. Point to be noted, I was six years old and my understanding of clothes came primarily from Duck Tales and Tom & Jerry.  Another thing to know about my parents is that they let me roll with my choices; whether good or bad. :) Now, I sometimes wonder if “letting me roll”, when I had no clue where I was rolling to,  was a good thing to do. :) 

Having seen some 10 odd frocks,  after careful consideration,  I finally picked the one that I liked. I was very excited walking all the way back and when we got home the whole family was there, sipping their evening filter coffee. After multiple requests (read: asked once by my grandmother), I quickly rushed in to change into my new dress so that I could parade around in it. When I opened the door and walked into the living room wearing my brand new dress, I still remember the look on everyone’s face. It was a combination of utter shock and a desperate attempt to suppress laughter. Eventually, they all did burst into laughter after Ramesh Mama called it the “Ramzan Special”. Especially my cousin, Varun (who was just a year older to me) rolled on the floor and laughed as loudly as he could.  I was so crushed for a couple of minutes out there. You know, how it can be for a 6 year old. Of course, in my case I was too much of a proud peacock to show that I was actually that crushed. Both my sets of grandparents belong to orthodox South Indian Brahmin families, so I guess they associated wearing anything out and out shiny to Muslim weddings or celebrations. I wonder why though, because the shine on some Kanjeevaram sarees and gold ornaments that women wear at South Indian weddings also very much holds the potential to permanently blind people. Anyway, so everybody in my family was totally amused, it just didn’t make sense to them as to why anyone would willingly pick out such a horrifying dress and that too in the presence of an adult. Though they really tried being nice about it but all that initial laughter had pretty much conveyed their true opinion about my selection. I can’t remember my Mom’s reaction after everyone saw the dress, I do remember her laughing on the “Ramzan Special” joke but that’s that. :)  It really was a little offbeat; a shiny bright blue colored short sleeveless frock with gold colored dots accompanied by a golden jacket. Yes, GOLDEN! It was like a female Shehenshah outfit. Okay, I know that sounds like a disaster, maybe it was but that was my choice for the year 1992. I wore it happily to a lot of places. Even today in my family, to my utter despair, the ‘Ramzan Special’ joke is quite popular.

That was my earliest memory of Ugaadi.

The Hindu calendar begins with the month of Chaitra (March–April) and Ugadi marks the first day of the New Year.  To Kannadigas, the eating of a specific mixture of tastes i.e. Bevu-Bella (Neem and Jaggery) on Ugaadi Day symbolizes the fact that life is a mixture of different experiences  - bitter and sweet, which should be accepted with equanimity through the year.

Yesterday, 11 April, was Gudi Padhwa and Ugaadi. It was the first time in many years I was very aware of the onset of Ugaadi. I spent the first half an hour speaking to few of my most favorite people in the world and wishing them. After which I made myself a big cup of ginger tea and kande pohe and lazily read the paper. Then I cleaned the whole house, so that was a good start. Also, the Gods i.e. little idols in my Puja Ghar have been neglected for too long, they got a nice spa treatment yesterday (much needed). Oh and yes, I tied up torans of little neem branches to the main door too. Rest of day, I threw myself back in quilling from which I had taken a temporary break. And while quilling I watched reruns of an all-time favorite sitcom. Anyway, I managed to complete a monogram and four cards. [Note to self, try something other than flowers next time]. I had the perfect take away from my favorite joint in KP, so lunch was taken care of.

IMAG1152

Finally in the evening, I did something that has for years now, scared the daylights out of me.

I danced.

and that too in front of people.

:)

You know, how on the dance floor people sometimes don’t know what to do with their hands? It’s exactly like that for me except that I don’t know what to do with my whole body. I wouldn’t say I danced like no one’s watching  but I did have to shed a lot of inhibitions to dance the way I did. Actually to be precise, I think I danced like Abhay. Abhay was the cutest little thing in my grade 2 class. He didn’t know a jack about dancing, he could barely ever follow or remember the steps nor was he every in sync but he smiled and laughed through the dance sequence. Through his struggle to keep up, he laughed a lot at himself, which our dance instructor found adorable.  He used to have so much fun at something he totally sucked at. Though I have none of Abahy’s cuteness and I’m compeltely aware of how much I suck at this, I still had brilliant time dancing! I barely managed to keep up the rhythm or the steps but it was the most fun I have ever had in an hour and a half. :) Physically exhausting but totally worth the sweat!

So that’s how I brought in my new year with a little bit of dust and bitterness, lots of quilling, cleaning, talking and dancing! Not too bad a mix, is it? :)

recalling charlie, revisiting nostalgia…

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

Can’t believe it’s been a whole year since the musical! Would want to raise a glass to all the wonderful people who made ‘Project To Infinity and Beyond’ come alive, to my amazing co-fellow and above all to those eighty little kids who worked tirelessly to put up this spectacular show. :)

10 things to know about Teach For India before you apply!

The application deadlines for this year are done, follow the website to apply for the 2014 fellowship. There are 3-4 deadlines each year starting October, I suppose. Teach For India currently operates in government and private schools in these five cities : Delhi, Mumbai, Pune, Chennai and Hyderabad.

Now let’s get started. Here are a couple of things you should know before you apply.

1. The selection process is almost 2-3 months long – involving an online application with recommendations, a phone interview, a full day interview with a teaching sample, group discussion and personal interview.

2. The program is highly selective. Approximately 7% of the total number of applicants each year make it to the fellowship program.

3. There is a highly rigorous 5 week residential training Institute starting in May before you enter your classrooms in June. These 5 weeks give you all the basic skills to start teaching and handling a classroom full of children. Along the next two years of your fellowship, you will be continuously trained on different pedagogical  skills that will help you become a more effective teacher.

4. You will be assigned to a program manager who will observe your class every few weeks and give you feedback on what you’re doing right and what you can do better. Your Manager will suggest appropriate trainings for you, help you with acquiring teaching aids, materials and ensure that you are well-supported through these two years of teaching.

5. You will be placed in a collaborative of 15-18 fellows led by your Program Managers. This group will meet once every few weeks to discuss best practices in the classrooms, challenges and more importantly their solutions.

6. You will get a monthly stipend plus a housing allowance that will help you sustain yourself. Along with this you are entitled to be reimbursed a small amount every month towards your photocopying and teaching aids (charts, sketch pens etc) expenses.

[Side note : As a rule of thumb, you will be spending at least 50 % more over and above the the allocated reimbursement amount. So each month, you will have to manage your life on a tightly controlled budget, its not hard after you get the hang of it.]

7. You will be a class teacher of a class for two whole years. This is not a volunteer service and it’s not part-time.

8. Everyday, this job/fellowship will consume more of your time, energy and mind space than any corporate job could hope to. [6 hours in school, 1 hour of after school extra classes (optional), 2 hours grading papers/notebooks, another 1-2 hours for planning next day's lessons, another 2 hours for making the teaching aids, activity tools, next 6 hours in your dreams planning out scenarios of what would happen the next day in class]

And lastly my two cents and these two I feel are most crucial;

9. You will be praised/admired/complimented by many around you

..for having made that transition to the social sector. For having quit a decent job to become a teacher in a under-resourced school.

Don’t take it seriously. Ever.

because it starts to interfere with your work and your understanding of yourself.  The idea of service needs to be demystified. You were doing a job back then and you are going to be doing a job now. Only that this job, is closer to your heart, it’s something you chose and wanted to do. It’s about your choice and it’s that simple. Don’t ever let people push you into believing that you’re extraordinary. Thank them and be grateful for their kind words, use this a fuel to drive you on those days when you hit rock bottom (and trust me there will be many such days)

10. You will be mocked at as a “resume builder” by many around you.

Don’t take this seriously either.

People will try to examine your motives for wanting to this. Many a armchair philosophers will criticize TFI’s model, your abilities to contribute, you ulterior motives behind wanting to do this and the effectiveness of the organization. Listen to what they say, offer opinions if helpful but mostly stay calm. Don’t ever defend it. Because only you know what you’re trying to do everyday with those 35 kids in your classroom and only you would know the challenges that you go through every single day with their parents, the school and your kids.

And whatever be your purpose of joining TFI, nothing can take away the hard work you put into that classroom for two years. Always remember that. It is appreciation worthy that, if at all you chose you build your resume, you did in the hardest possible way. You did it right instead of getting some mock community service experience with an NGO by volunteering once a month or worse not doing anything at all. And don’t worry too much because the harshest and the most severe criticism often comes from people who’ve never ever set foot into an under-resourced classroom like yours.

Keep your head down and keep going. You’re in there for the children and that’s all that matters.

Wish you all the best if you choose to do this! I can safely say that these two years have been the most purposeful and memorable two years of my life. If you have any queries, feel free to write in and I’ll try my best to answer them!

For details, log on to the website http://www.teachforindia.org/

Twin-Trek : Jivdhan-Naneghat Fort

Two weeks ago, I went for an overnight trek with a professional trekking group. This trek reminded me every step of way that I was in very poor shape physically. :( I was so unequipped and unfit both to start trekking as it had been a whole year since I’d even seen a fort (Sinhgad on Dad’s birthday doesn’t really count). The last trek I did was Tikona with Anand in Feb 2012.  Anyway, We took off from Pune at midnight on 2nd Feb, reached the base village – Ghatghar at about 3 AM. After sleeping (in the bus) for a couple of hours, we started climbing at 6 AM and finished the trek at 2 PM. It was long, tiring but so very rejuvenating!

At 6 AM - starting from the base village

At 6 AM – starting from the base village

Jivdhan (or Jeevdhan) is a fort situated in Junnar taluka of Pune. The fort, which rises 1145 meters above sea level, is located in the Sahyadri mountain range.

Forts originated during the Satvaahan era. Every entry point on the forts built by Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj has a ‘Kalas’ and Lord Ganesh carved on it. The nearby Naneghat (Toll collection booth) was used for commercial purposes by traders to help in efficient movements of goods. As this was an important pass joining the seas to the mainland, it was heavily guarded from enemies. The Jivdhan fort stood as an important guard to protect the interests of various kingdoms. The route from Jivdhan to Naneghat has an open field of 2–3 km, which gives a clear view of any enemy approaching.

A Quarter of the climb done!

A Quarter of the climb done!

This trek had many a small rock climbing patches [like the one below] that required some strategy and a lot of limb strength. The Britishers had captured this fort in 1818 and in the process, destroyed all approach routes and stairs.  And because of the lack of stairs, Jivdhan is said to be a high difficulty grade trek that requires climbing equipment in quite a few patches.

Pic courtesy : http://deepabhi.tripod.com

A challenging climbing patch :    Pic courtesy : http://deepabhi.tripod.com

Nanacha Angtha at Naneghat

Nanacha Angtha at Naneghat

A fix for the broken soul..err sole!

A fix for the broken soul..err sole!

Taking a break, getting my internet to work at  3754 ft

Taking a break, trying in vain to get my internet working at 3754 ft.

Vanderlingi Pinnacle

Vanderlingi Pinnacle

Naneghat Pass

Naneghat Pass

Cave Inscriptions at Naneghat

Cave Inscriptions at Naneghat

The inscriptions in the caves indicate that they are the work of Satavahana rulers who came into prominence after the fall of the Mauryan Empire. It is believed that a powerful woman ruler Naganika, the wife of Satakarni (180–170 BCE) of the Satavahana family commissioned the cave, the statues and the inscriptions. Inscriptions in the cave mention her and her family members. Though the statues adorning the sides of the rectangular cave are now gone, the inscriptions still record some of the achievements of the dynasty. The Naneghat records have proved very important in establishing the history of the region. he mention of Samakarsana and Vasudeva indicate the prevalence of Bhagavata form of Hinduism in the Satavahan dynasty.

Reaching Naneghat after climbing Jivdhan!

Reaching Naneghat after climbing Jivdhan!

A final shot of Jivdhan from Naneghat!

A final shot of Jivdhan from Naneghat!

Simply Delicious!

Looks great, tastes even better!

Looks great, tastes even better!

 

A chocolate truffle cake with blue vanilla frosting and fondant elements on the top! Absolutely delightful!

Juilee and her team at Simply Delicious designed this little piece of heaven to perfection! :) It looked so pretty that cutting it up seemed almost unfair. Found the inspiration for this cake online somewhere, can’t place the website. But anyway, very happy the outcome.:)

http://www.simplydeliciouspune.com/

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” ― William Shakespeare

Happy Birthday! :)

It’s not about Delhi anymore…

The capital of our country for a long time now has  been considered the most unsafe city for women. And north India is often referred to as more violent, more patriarchal, and more crime-ridden than the south.  6,227 cases were reported in northern India, which were defined as nine northern states: Haryana, Himachal Pradesh, Uttar Pradesh, Jammu & Kashmir, Rajasthan, Punjab, Uttarakhand, as well as the regions of Delhi and Chandigarh.

Rape Map of India

In 2011, a total of 24,206 rape cases were registered in India, according to data released by the National Crime Records Bureau.

Just look at that number – Twenty four thousand rape cases, twenty four thousand individuals. This clearly isn’t about one city anymore. Yes, Delhi might be awful and may have been openly declared unsafe  but that doesn’t take away from the fact that no woman feels safe in any city in this country anymore.

So, it’s not about Delhi anymore.

6-yr-old raped, in Pune, class 12 student held

http://www.hindustantimes.com/India-news/Maharashtra/Pune-class-12-student-rapes-6-yr-old/Article1-983703.aspx

Woman gang-raped in Park Street, Kolkatta

http://www.firstpost.com/india/park-street-gangrape-tmc-mp-accuses-woman-of-being-sex-worker-571672.html

It’s not about age anymore.

An 18 months old baby raped.

Kolkata: 18-month-old baby raped, abandoned on road

One month old baby, raped and killed

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2069467/One-month-old-baby-raped-battered-Gravesend-Man-woman-arrested.html

80 year old woman raped and physically assaulted by a 35 year old neighbour at her house in Rajasthan

80-year-old woman raped

It’s not about  time of the day anymore.

It's not about time of the day anymore

It’s not about time of the day anymore

More often than I’d like to hear, helpful suggestions about women getting home before dark have come up in discussions on prevention of rape. There was a famous Marathi film about this issue – Saatchya Aat Gharat.

Do we really believe that the time of the day will be a deterrent for these barbaric men? Sure, you can get home on time and lock yourself in. But locking yourself in does not mean shutting the world out. What about the recent Pallavi Purkayastha case? The watchman of her building marked his target during the day and executed the crime at night by barging into the girl’s apartment.

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-08-11/mumbai/33152763_1_crime-branch-electrician-power-outage

It’s not about clothes anymore.

It's a dress, not a yes!

It’s a dress, not a yes!

I don’t know how many times this idiotic argument about girls being dressed properly comes up in the context of a rape. Here’s an iconic statement from one of the protectors of law – Satbir Singh, Additional SHO of Sector 31 Police Station, Faridabad;

“Girls should be covered from here to here… They wear skirts, blouses, that don’t cover them fully. Don’t wear a dupatta. They display themselves. A kid will naturally be attracted to her.”

Can we then explain the rape cases that happen in our villages? These are girls from villages in Punjab and Haryana, fully clothed and yeah, with duppatas on.

http://news.outlookindia.com/items.aspx?artid=785423

It’s not about Honey Singh or Item numbers anymore.

Let’s not blame the objectification of our women on a bunch of songs or offensive lyrics anymore.

As this blogger, very aptly writes;

Discussing Honey Singh or Item Girls, diverts our anger from the things that need to be changed. it diverts our anger to easily achievable things – shutting down a new year concert or filling airtime with outrage on “Item” numbers. I am not saying outrage is wrong – by all means outrage – it is a free country and outrage is good for the soul but, in this constantly moving target of outrage scenario, focus on change is lost. And, unless there is focus on systemic change – women are going to remain unsafe.

It’s not even about gender anymore.

Men are victims too.

Police: Man raped 10-year-old boy 156 times

10 year old boy raped on the way home from school

A question that has been going around in the media is what would be a befitting and exemplary punishment for rapists in the Delhi case.

I’ve been thinking and I want to at least try and answer this question as a sensible person. I really want to write a well-reasoned and lawful answer.

But I can’t. Because there’s too much rage and unrest in my head to think rationally.

I have the overpowering urge to write cruel and ruthless answers like – throw him to the dogs, or castrate him, or let a 100 trucks ride over him, or probably let him face the Talibani open firing.

But I can’t. Because if we reciprocate brutality with inhumanity, it can only serve as a response but never be a solution. It will do no better than lessening the gap between human beings and barbarians.

I don’t understand which law could possibly have an appropriate, a fitting punishment for such a sick, barbaric act. Will just physically punishing this person be enough? Will it? Nothing can reverse the pain and humiliation caused to the victim. Nothing can ever remotely bring back the girl/person s/he was before this horrifying incident.

Killing him in whatever horrible way one can think of will just be liberation for this person. It may cause his family anguish but he’s basically gone after suffering for 1, 2 or probably 6 hours. To my mind, the only fitting punishment that comes close for such a person is a lifelong solitary confinement under the most severe conditions.  Where every single waking moment of his life, he is forced to constantly think, re-think, consider, analyze the consequences of his actions. He is kept alive in between four walls just be reminded of what led him to the shit that his life now is.

At a certain point, the crescendo of his agony might probably be repentance. His repentance can be a byproduct of the punishment, the continued, constantly deepening agony is his punishment.

Rape is a savage act of power and is not necessarily driven by lust. So instead of telling the women to lead more conservative lifestyles, we need to focus our energies on better social conditioning of our men, women and our society in general.

Desperate Need For a Mindset Change

Desperate Need For a Mindset Change

Women too, are in desperate need of a progressive social conditioning - women who keep shut, women who blame themselves for everything that happens to them, women to ridicule other women for standing up, women who come up with reasons for why a certain “type” of women get groped/molested/raped, women who promote do’s and don’ts for other women in the society.

slutwalk-5

So please – To all the men – do us a favour. Next time, a woman gets raped on your streets – don’t question her character, don’t tell her that it was her fault she got groped/molested or raped at a bar because she was out drinking with a couple of guys and don’t tell her she deserved to be raped because she was wearing a skirt. For the record, all these and many more have been cited as the reasons for women getting raped by the protectors of our law.

And to all our women;

It probably is the outcome of a social conditioning. that such few women share their life stories, their experiences – even with family and friends around – forget about posting their grief online. Women, especially Indian women, have a tendency of blaming themselves for everything that goes wrong with them.

if they are groped in public, it must be their dress  or that particular neckline that caused it

if they are physically abused by their boyfriends or husbands, even the strongest of women feel that they are not doing something right in their relationship and that’s probably they’re at the receiving end of this treatment.

if they are treated differently at work, paid less – they either gear themselves up to either work harder or submit to their fate.

because

sharing stories of  molestation or rape are perceived to bring shame to women and their families.

sharing stories of an unhappy marriage/abuse probably are perceived to hurt the family value system and its pride.

sharing career struggles or voicing gender inequity issues are considered either whining or overt-feminism by men and unfortunately a lot of women too.

It is unfortunate, very unfortunate but true. Most women fear being judged even by strangers online while sharing intimate personal stories. And for all of this to change, women need to disassociate the idea that their honor is linked to their men. It isn’t.

To end this post, I’d like to quote the very brave  Sohaila Abdulali;

Rape is horrible. But it is not horrible for all the reasons that have been drilled into the heads of Indian women. It is horrible because you are violated, you are scared, someone else takes control of your body and hurts you in the most intimate way. It is not horrible because you lose your “virtue.” It is not horrible because your father and your brother are dishonored. I reject the notion that my virtue is located in my vagina, just as I reject the notion that men’s brains are in their genitals.

If we take honor out of the equation, rape will still be horrible, but it will be a personal, and not a societal, horror. We will be able to give women who have been assaulted what they truly need: not a load of rubbish about how they should feel guilty or ashamed, but empathy for going through a terrible trauma.

Suggested Reads :

1. Rage and Helplessness :  http://www.indianexpress.com/news/rage-and-helplessness/1050086/0

2. The Subjugation Capital : http://daddysan.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/the-subjugation-capital/

3. The Delhi Gang-Rape : http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/dec/31/delhi-rape-india-damini

4. From India Gate :  http://kafila.org/2012/12/23/to-the-young-women-and-men-of-delhi-thinking-about-rape-in-delhi/

5. I was wounded; My honor wasn’t : http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/08/opinion/after-being-raped-i-was-wounded-my-honor-wasnt.html?_r=0

Lastly, thanks to Shefaly Yogendra’s answer and an Anon user’s thought-provoking answer on Quora that prompted me to write this post. 

Tempest in a Teapot!

10 April 2012

This was the last time I met my children. I remember that day distinctly. I’d stayed up all night (because of my own lack of time management) to write a personalized message for each child on a cardboard toffee cut-out (symbolic of our musical). My co-teacher and I had assembled all the gifts and other little things that people dear to us had brought for the kids to wish them luck. We both were always strictly against just giving away stuff, so we saved up everything we’d got in the year (different kinds of stationary, chocolates, stickers) and created 80 little packets for the kids to go with the goodbye notes.

I remember reaching school early that morning carrying huge bags (which had almost become a norm these two years : us carrying these big bags of charts, art material, print outs for a test/home work). I remember thinking every minute that day as I climbed up the steps to my classroom that this is it. It ends here. Two years ago, I entered a battered looking empty classroom and was engulfed with an overwhelming realization that this was where I was going to be every single day of the next two years.  And those years flew by really quickly. But I remember each day distinctly and clearly, because no day ‘passed by’, as there was so much to be done every single day. The last two years (2010-2012) that seemed like a long time to spend in that dusty old classroom, got over way too soon. It was the last day of school and the exams had just gotten over the day before. The kids started trickling in and they were their usual happy selves. They’re kids after all, it was the end of the most defining chapter of my life but for my third graders, it was business as usual. :)

We’d planned a whole ceremony in the last hour. We, as in the both the teachers, kids from Grade 3 (my class) and the kids from Grade 4, planned to meet in shed where we had been practicing every day of the last year. We met, watched the musical video together – the entire thing, opening credits, making of the musical video, end credits and the musical. We probably cannot thank the Symbiosis media grad students enough for the fantastic work they had done to put all this together and that too at no cost. In particular, the wonderful Koustub Vohra– who got a whole army of Symbiosis volunteers for us that included our fantastic photographers Shibhesh, Aparajita and Katyayani. These amazing volunteers organized themselves into multiple committees (decoration, kids management, costumes  make-up, welcome, logistics) and executed every task to perfection amid-st the chaos on the the dress rehearsal and final day. Incidentally, during the time Koustub worked with us , he applied for the fellowship and as I write this Koustub is a Teach For India fellow teaching in Delhi. :)

Anyway, the kids were ecstatic, cheering on as every character came alive on-screen. The danced, clapped, sang and hovered around us for the last time. I was probably looking at each child with the look of a terminal patient on my face but as I said, for the kids it was pretty much a happy day. One of the volunteers came to me and said, they won’t realize it now, or next year or probably anytime soon – it’s something they’ll look back on many years later. So be it. But this wasn’t about an emotional goodbye, it was about my acceptance that this was the end. It’s always hard to acknowledge that, isn’t it?

Anyway, I went on to travel for the next 20 days straight and traveled some more to meet family and friends before I finally started my new job. For next 7 months straight, I completely ignored every single call my kids made, I ignored their parents’ calls and I controlled my urge to go see them, talk to them or do anything associated with them. That’s probably why I haven’t been able to brace myself to even write a single post about the Musical that we feverishly prepared for and raised funds from world-over. Maybe writing about it was a closure, acceptance that’s it’s done and over.

Especially on some days, this cold robotic approach was particularly hard to keep up with. Like somewhere in June, I got this mail from the fellow who was teaching my class then,

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

Dear Chaitra,

Your kids are amazing!!! Sagar has become an informer to me. Am really inspired with the work you have done. The kids are full of energy and yeah i die hard to match with their energy. :) 

I assigned them new teams and asked them to choose a name for their own team and give me reason why they want it. One team named their team after your name the reason was that they love you and miss you :) for a moment it made me think about my class what is that am going to leave with them after a year.

It’s a lot of learning that am getting. :) 

Thanks,

R

- – - – - – - – - – - – - -

It was hard, incredibly hard but something’s just need to be done. Some chords need to be cut with surgical precision and at the right time. You aren’t doing yourself or the kids any service by letting some strings hang in there connecting you both. There is only one way to keep a nurturing relation alive between any two entities – be there wholly, entirely and give it everything you have. There is no middle ground here, nothing halfway that could work. I could not be there for my children and be my 100% best for them beyond these two years so it’s best to not interfere with the new teacher who’s trying be their best for their kids. They needed to settle in with their new teacher and start getting a hang of the new class systems and processes. For them to connect with the new teacher, it was essential for the old one to be blocked out entirely. Over the months, the frequency of calls from different kids and parents came down quite a bit but some of them were more persistent than the others. Surprisingly, these weren’t even the ones that I thought would hold on so tight.

Anyway, we had raised enough excess money to keep Project ‘To Infinity and Beyond’ going for the next year too. I’m glad that we have been able to do that and find excellent instructors this year too. Our amazing dance instructor, Harsha has thankfully continued on from last year.

12 January 2013

Precisely 10 months after I last saw them, I went to see my kids. I should probably say students now, but somehow it’s always been ‘my kids’ and I wouldn’t want to see it any other way.  I had written to the fellow teaching the kids, their current teacher, asking if I could come see them and she very sweetly arranged for it.

I entered the school gate at 9 AM on a Saturday morning. I hadn’t even wandered around close to this lane in last ten months; mainly because I had no work there. I got up the stairs, met the fellow and she led me to their new class.

That look on their faces – first, a look of total disbelief followed by a stunned silence for about five seconds and then, it came – the mad, wild screaming which went on for almost three whole minutes. :) It was unreal.  I stood there trying to scan that whole room full of ecstatic, screaming, smiling and also some very confused faces (these were the new admissions). There were three new kids and they were shocked out of their minds as to why their classmates were losing their heads screaming like that.

Grade 4...all grown up!

Grade 4…all grown up!

I have missed them so much.

Narrating stories about them, thinking of how they’d be doing in class, what all they’re doing in class, how their parents and siblings would be doing? – almost every day I have either spoken about them or thought about them. How can I not? Their presence is all over my house – in my fridge magnets, on posters and drawings on the wall, in the things they’ve given me and most importantly in my head. This is new for me – I’m a little more efficient when it comes to detaching than I’d like to be. I’m not too proud about this quality but it keeps me sane on most days, so it’s good. As a child, we moved a lot because of my dad’s job so I think over the years I learnt that there was no point getting too attached to one apartment, one teacher, a particular ice-cream shop or even a set of friends. I always thought that none of it can be carried forward to the next city, so what’s the point getting too attached to any of it. And that was my approach for many many years until these kids came along. It was hard for me to come to terms with how much I missed them. It’s not like I wanted to go back and start teaching them. But I guess, as people who’d been the very center of my existence for every single day of the last two years, they were bound to have that impact.

Singing - Jeena Isika Naam Hai

Singing – Jeena Isika Naam Hai

It was fantastic seeing them – just such an amazing feeling meet each one of them (Satu was absent though :(). They had all grown tall, the boys looked lankier and the girls had grown their hair long. They were growing up, weren’t anymore the tiny little fluffy balls I met in Grade 2. Even Abhay, to my utter disappointment had grown thinner and taller. He was his usual shy self  as always but I could tell that he was really happy to see me because he does a thing with his eyes whenever he’s super happy. It would be safe to say that he’s the only boy I’ve showered the most attention and affection on, despite his continued nonchalance.

As usual ....looking away!

As usual ….looking away!

I almost instinctively wanted to ask someone to sit a certain way, raise their hands while asking a question or not stand while talking, form a neat single file line while I was with them. They are kids and they did all of this even while I was their teacher, only that now I wasn’t their teacher. I had to keep reminding myself about that. After school, I had kids pulling me from both sides debating on who would be taking me home this afternoon. They wouldn’t take no for an answer and wouldn’t go home either. Anyway, I spent almost two hours with the kids and met with a lot of parents. Oh and yeah, they sang two songs for me – Jeena Isika Naam Hai and Joy to the World. Their new teacher is a Bengali didi and has been teaching them to sing. :)

It was comforting amongst a lot of other things.  I pray all my boys grow up and become capable men who know how to respect women. I pray all my girls grow up be strong and financially independent and think of marriage only after they are confident about supporting themselves.

Above all, I hope all my children aim high, aspire to reach their potential and never settle for anything less than they deserve.

Teach For India : Last Deadline to Apply 30 Jan 2013

Visit the website for more details : http://www.teachforindia.org/

At Teach For India, each one of us feels lucky. Incredibly lucky. We understand that it is just a matter of chance that we are where we are today. We didn’t choose the family that we were born into, or choose the fact that our parents could afford to give us quality education. Every time we make a choice, we feel lucky. However, we cannot help but think …what if? What if these choices weren’t available to us?

It is this thought that makes us work towards that one day when every child in India will attain an excellent education. The family or the demographics that a child is born into should not determine his or her destiny. We understand the importance of education but more importantly, we understand the value of each of those 320 million lives and the potential in every one of them. Imagine 320 million astronauts, or 320 million scientists. Imagine 320 million change-makers driving India forward. That’s what we’re working towards – A day when every child gets the opportunity to attain an excellent education. A day when we can empower every human being with choice. Because that’s what every child deserves. That’s what India deserves.

If you think that India’s deserves better, then apply for the fellowship today!

Apply Now!

Apply Now!

For any fellowship related queries, please feel free to write to me at chaitra.murlidhar@gmail.com.